Lewd Food Pizza Burger

The Pizza Burger

If it looks like an ordinary burger… look again.

For those of you who read about food on the internet or use Instagram, I’m sure you’re familiar with the term Foodporn. Porn is used here as a word to illicit provocation, something sinful or taboo. It’s become a term of mainstream foodie society and often abused. After all, how does a simple garden salad get a hashtag for Foodporn. Hardly sinful in my opinion, unless the lettuce is replaced by bacon. While creating this behemoth of sin, I felt the need to reconfirm the definition of Foodporn. Perhaps even branch off, away from garden salads and bran muffins, and coin my own phrase that describes the despicable nature of particular dishes. That phrase is LewdFood

This lewd-food pizza burger is hardly original, Burger King has done it, various frozen food companies have done it, and the food blogging world is littered with images of pizza burgers. Theoretically, I love it. But nothing I’ve seen so far really stacks up to my idea of a pizza burger. And I mean STACKS UP. First, you got these gigantic hamburgers the size of pizzas and cut like pizzas, but they just look like oversized Whoppers. Then you get these stuffed pizzas with just a burger patty shoved inside. Nice attempt, but that’s closer to a calzone than a pizza. I want something that fits in the parameters of both definitions, yet equally confused. Is it a burger or is it a pizza?

A good friend of mine presented me with this challenge to recreate a pizza-burger, and anyone who reads this blog or knows me, also knows my love for burgers. In spite of my wife’s lack of enthusiasm, this was a challenge I couldn’t pass up. After all, I was doing it for humanity’s sake. This pizza-burger is bigger than just me, or you.

Last week I published a post on pizza, so conveniently we’re going to use many of those elements, starting with the chewy pizza dough. And followed by the rich tomato sauce. Because this is just as much burger, we need a patty but not just any beef patty will do. I’ve made my own patty with a beef and pork mixture, seasoned harmoniously with the spices of pepperoni, and finished charbroiled on the grill. We pack that pepperoni patty between two mini stone-baked pizzas oozing with sauce and mozzarella. But it doesn’t end there. Like a burger, we continue building. We add bacon, tomato, pickle, and crispy onion rings, and finally finish it off with a luscious sour cream dressing that ties it all together. The secret sauce, if you will. And that, is the LewdFood Pizza-Burger.

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Pepperoni Patty

  • Servings: Makes 8 Quarter-Pound Patties
  • Difficulty: Easy
  • Print

Tip: use only the seasoning on pork chops or steak.

  • 600g beef
  • 400g pork
  • 1 tbsp alaea salt or curing salt
  • ½ tsp msg
  • 1 tsp garlic powder
  • 1 tsp mustard seed
  • 1 tsp black pepper
  • ½ tsp anise seed
  • ½ tsp ground coriander
  • 1/4 tsp citric acid
  • 1 tsp dextrose

1. Combine all seasonings and spices in a bowl. Add the beef and pork and mix well by hand.

2. Place in an airtight container for 2-3 days to allow flavors to meld.

3. Shape into 125g patties and grill for 5-7 minutes per side.

pizzaburger1


Sour Cream Dressing

  • Servings: Makes 1 cup
  • Difficulty: Easy
  • Print

  • ½ cup sour cream
  • ½ cup mayonnaise
  • ½ tbsp white vinegar
  • 2 tsp sugar
  • 1 tsp dry parsley
  • ½ tsp salt
  • 1/4 tsp garlic powder
  • 1/4 tsp onion powder
  • 1/4 tsp dry thyme

pizzaburger91. Combine all ingredients into a bowl and mix well.

2. Store in an airtight container in the fridge until needed.

Assembly

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1. Divide your dough into small manageable pieces. Roll them out to your desired thickness and size. For me, I rolled mine out 1cm thick and about 12cm in diameter. For my son, about 4mm thick and 5-6cm in diameter (see Step 4).

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2. Prepare your onion rings. Pictured above is an eternally crispy tempura batter dipped in cornmeal. I used red onion because that’s all I had. I prefer to use white Spanish onions for onion rings, but I’ll post a recipe for onion rings at a later date.

pizzaburger23. Cut and prep your toppings: cook the bacon, wash the lettuce, and slice the tomato and pickles. It’s always good if you have help and a taste-tester. Above is Benjamin testing out one of my homemade dill pickles. He approved! Again, if interested I’d be happy to post the recipe for sour and always crunchy dill pickles at a later date.

pizzaburger64. Grill your pepperoni patties before you cook the pizza. Here’s a hint: go warm up the grill, then come in, roll out all your pizza dough. Let it sit on top of cornmeal and sesame seeds, that way it won’t stick to your countertop. Then go out, grill your burgers. Cover them with foil while you finish the pizza.

pizzaburger5Slap some sauce and a generous amount of mozzarella on the dough. For a recipe on the sauce click here. Toss them on a pizza stone for about 5 minutes. Make sure the bottom is cooked well. It doesn’t need to be brown, but it needs to be cooked. Have your oven on the highest temperature. Take out your pizzas and start building your empire.

pizzaburgercoverEnjoy …and good luck!

6 thoughts on “Lewd Food Pizza Burger

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